Thursday, May 05, 2005

The VampireOwlCat Speaks

Yes, the VampireOwlCat speaks. And what does she say? I've never had a blog before; in fact, I only started a LiveJournal yesterday. So I thought, I should get some friends on my LiveJournal, and I invited my friend Mary. And then she invited me to her blog. So it's kind of like I'm following her, or something. Anyway, I read her blog, and I realized how incredibly smart she is, or how dumb I am, or both. She analyzes things way better than I do, even though I have a very analytical mind (my mother's a therapist, and I've been in therapy for 16 years, for Christsakes). What to write....
I love vampires, I have (and act like) a cat, and my spirit animal is an owl. So that explains my blog name. Sitakaliism is the religion I made up for myself, so that explains my screenname. Okay, I'll explain my religion.
So I was really depressed when I was thirteen or fourteen. Well, before that, too, but I had suicidal thoughts when I was thirteen and fourteen. Then my friend, this guy that I had had a crush on in the eighth grade, was found dead floating in the Berkeley Marina, apparently an OD on a hallucinagin stimulant called belladonna (or Deadly Nightshade). So that was bizarre. I had been a wannabe semi-goth, and I was fascinated with vampires.
One thing that I did not like about vampires, especially in the whole Anne Rice thing, was that they seemed to have no respect for human life; rather, they treated them like vermine. So I skimmed through a bunch of books until I came upon a sophisticated piece of literature: The Last Vampire, by Christopher Pike. Actually, he's a couple steps up from R.L. Stine, but it grabbed me. It was about a 5,000-year-old vampire named Sita, and she was a vicious killer. I didn't like her; she was pompous, a total bitch, and completely full of herself. As the books went on (it's a series of 6), you got to know her character a lot better, and by the second book, I liked her a lot. She was complex, and she had been through a lot. Anyway, I want to say this as quickly as possible...basically, she wanted no more than to be human again, even after 5,000 years of developing amazing powers that made me see her as a goddess. And she became my goddess; Sita, the goddess of protection, in my religion. I really didn't do her justice; I just didn't want to blab too long. The series changed my life, and I became more spiritual, more in tune with myself, and eventually began to love myself. I also began to see life in a new light, and I loved life as well. Yay! Happy ending.
So now I'm 21. Funny how the turning points in my life are in sevens; I moved across the country to Berkeley, California from Nyack, New York when I was seven; I came out of a suicidal depression and developed my own spirituality when I was fourteen; and now, I'm taking a leave of absence from Antioch College (the only place I can really call my home), living with my parents in Berkeley, once again. Did I mention I'm lonely and miserable? All I want is to be back with my boyfriend that I love so much, and at Antioch with all my friends. My boyfriend is transferring to another college, but we still plan on being together.
Whew! Aren't we glad we're done with that? I'm not sure how good I am at Mary's type of pontification while writing. I'm more of a journal kind of person. Even though I'm very political and constantly arguing with other people. See you later, cyberspace!

1 comment:

Ocean said...

Wow..I found this through your quiz on OKCupid and am impressed with you and your story.

I don't have anything else to add; I just wanted to connect with you and let you know someone is supportively listening.