I think one of the great things about my relationship with my Bible (The Last Vampire series by Christopher Pike) is the fact that at first, I didn't like the main character, Sita. I think that really means something; it shows that the books made me think. I just did a Google search on Alisa Perne (Sita's pseudonym for the 1990's), and came up with one website for Sita fans. It was pretty cool; I wondered if any of them hadn't like Sita when they were first introduced to her. Some said they liked her because she was sexy, or could control other people; this was one of the reasons I didn't like her at first. I am obsessed with the idea of free will (especially my own), and Sita's ability to manipulate those with weaker wills disturbed me.
What touched me most of all were two things: The fact that, despite her amazing power and long life through the ages that I envied, all Sita wanted was to be human, living with her husband and daughter back in India 5,000 years ago again. And the fact that, throughout 5,000 years, Sita changed minimally as a person, but by the end of her life, in the 1990's, within the few months that the books take place, Sita evolved dramatically. It was an amazing metaphor for humanity. We are such amazing creatures, so beautiful and powerful, yet in order to end our explosion of pain and suffering, we must go back to who we were at the dawn of our species. Each one of us, individually, grows in a different way, but years may pass where we feel we haven't changed, and then days may pass when our lives are changed forever. When I read the series, my own evolution of emotions was amazing, and it was directly linked to the books.
Sita was the scourge of many people for millenia, but in the end, she sacrificed herself to protect the humanity that she loved, and truly identified with, more than any vampire. Humanity is so ugly and evil at times, yet my love for it is similar to Sita's; sometimes I wish I had lived for thousands of years to see how we matured, or changed; to see our progresses and mistakes, almost as a child grows up alongside her peers, and watches them mature with her.
And in the end, with all this hate and anger boiling up inside me, I just want to protect humanity; yet I must realize that I am not its mother, but a single cell within the organism. I cannot protect and nurse humanity, just as a cell cannot protect and nurse an organism. All cells must work together to create a balance. One cannot be stronger than the others.